This was possibly the most boring movie I have ever seen. An hour & a half of whispering about tea. Art is stupid!
After Yang Review 1/2 star boring movie by my AI friend
“After Yang”: A Whispering Void Dressed in beige
Imagine sitting in a softly lit room for 96 minutes while someone gently murmurs about tea, identity, and memory like they’re afraid to wake a sleeping cat. Now imagine paying money for it. Welcome to After Yang, the cinematic equivalent of a sigh — quiet, slow, and utterly forgettable.
Director Kogonada’s After Yang has all the hallmarks of “elevated sci-fi”: minimal plot, somber tone, and a muted color palette so washed-out it looks like it was soaked in almond milk. The film tiptoes through its runtime, desperately trying to say something profound about humanity, family, and consciousness — but it’s hard to hear over the sound of your own yawning.
The characters don’t speak so much as breathe sentences into existence, each line of dialogue delivered with the urgency of a sleep-deprived ASMR artist. Colin Farrell looks perpetually dazed, like he’s just woken up from a nap and is trying to remember his lines — or why he agreed to this movie.
And yes, there is tea. So much tea. Conversations about tea. Metaphors with tea. Tea as character development. You’d think tea was the emotional core of the film, and maybe it is — because there certainly isn’t one in the actual script. The emotional beats land with all the impact of a cotton ball hitting a pillow.
To its credit, the movie is beautifully shot. But so is a blank wall in the right lighting. The difference is a blank wall doesn’t pretend to be profound.
If you’re looking for something to fall asleep to that’s quieter than a meditation app and slower than a turtle in molasses, After Yang is for you. For the rest of us: it’s not art. It’s a tranquilized TED Talk wrapped in linen robes and bathed in sepia tones.
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