Life is starting to become unbearable

Life is starting to become unbearable.

I look back on the last two weeks & I can only remember 1 day I was pain free. I’m finding that 20 minutes is about the limit to my pain threshold of doing something. I have to plan what I’m going to do; for instance if I work in my flower garden for 15 min, then I can probably make it through loading the dishwasher before I have to start popping pills.

I try really hard to avoid the pain killer / muscle relaxer / gabapentin cocktail that makes my quite high. I don’t like the feeling of being out of control, but it does kick the pain in the ass so there is a tradeoff that I sometimes must accept. When I go into the kitchen to cook (my favorite thing) I have to sit on a stool to chop my broccoli, kind of like chef Paul Prudhomme only not as fat. Last night I tried to help LaRae in the kitchen & I had to quit twice because I hurt so much.

I know LaRae is getting tired of me moaning & whining, not being able to go out & do things like we used to & just generally being a downer all the time. It can’t be easy on her, I just hope I don’t become a burden on her as time goes on & I get progressively worse. If things get too bad I told her to wheel me out to the pasture & leave me for the wolves.

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