My New Cult – I mean Church, Good G0D

Church (Webster) – a body or organization of religious believers.

My New Cult is going to be awesome!

Did I say, “My New Cult”? Silly me, I meant church. I keep getting those two things confused.

So first we need an understanding of my new cult.

  • There is a strong probability that there is NOT a supreme, divine being or entity governing everything & everyone. 
  • It is also very likely that there is no “soul” locked within our bodies. Our being is a product of our mind. The synapses in our brain create our personality, thoughts, intellect & everything we are.
  • It is all literally contained within our mind.
  • We can thus conclude that when the body dies, the electrical impulses in the brain cease to function & everything that was you will also cease.
  • When you are dead, you no longer exist & never did, from your perspective.

There is one major caveat with this theory.

There is no way to verify these points unless you die. With that in mind, there could be an afterlife, spirit, even a greater being. So, in my new cult, you can believe what you feel comfortable with, without judgement. I honestly hope I am wrong and there is an afterlife, I feel like I might have more stuff to do.

There are over 2,000 religions in the world. Really? Most of those religions believe that their religion is the “true” one and that the others are all wrong. That seems preposterous to me. I will be the first to admit that I do not have all of the answers. I probably don’t any of them to be honest. The one thing I do know is this. None of us have the answers. We might think we do and that is fine. But ‘faith’ is a completely different thing than knowledge. The most important thing, is not what you believe but what you do.

If your church / religion is doing good things for your community and treating people with respect & kindness, then you are in the right religion. But, if your church spends its time berating others and spewing hate wherever you go, then you might want to get out. The only difference between a church and a cult is what side you are standing on. My new cult, or church, or religion or whatever you want to call it will never tell you that yours is wrong. Even if it is.

So, what is the belief of my new cult?

The core belief is Love, respect, friendship, tolerance & companionship. That sounds a little corny, but it is how I feel. I love people & want others to love me. I want a church that is a community of people who love each other, no matter what our flaws are.

It should not matter if you are short or tall, thin or big, black or white (or yellow, brown, red, green, whatever). We won’t care about your intellect, looks, social status, handicaps, sexual preference or what kind of car you drive. In this church we are a family & love everyone no matter what.

We are going to need some rules if we want to avert complete chaos. The rules are open to change, with a vote of the members. New rules may be added by members. We will adopt the same rules as the US presidential veto system to be fair. I will hold the veto power, as the founder, but can be overruled by a vote. There will be no one person in a position of authority, there is no “leader”, no “cult” aspect of control. I, as the founder, do not want to rule over the church & will not do so.

Now for the rules of my new cult.

Rule 1 – Violence

  • There will be NO tolerance of sexual abuse of any kind. This includes unwanted sexual advances, verbal, emotional or physical abuse.
  • You may be asked to leave the church if you are a negative / mean person.
  • Violence is not tolerated in any form. No fighting, stealing, name calling or general ‘bad’ behavior.
  • Any infraction of this rule will result in immediate expulsion & will be reported to the authorities as warranted.

Rule 2 – Weapons

  • Illegal items, including but not limited to, drugs, porn, paraphernalia, weapons, stolen goods, or generally tacky items (Velvet Elvis anyone) will not be allowed.
  • Owning firearms is frowned upon. We are not going to arm ourselves with multiple weapons & attract the attention of the A.T.F. Besides, guns are bad. Mmmkay.
  • No weapons will be allowed in any church building, event, gathering or function.

Rule 3 – Family

  • Family, friends, members of other religions & media are always welcome in our church.
  • Members are encouraged to communicate with friends & family, visiting them as often as possible. Nothing is more important that relationships with them.
  • No member will ever be banned or forbidden from seeing their friends & family at any time.
  • Members are free to quit the church at any time, for any reason.
  • If you leave, you are always welcome to return.
  • Hug. A lot. Seriously give people hugs.

Rule 4 – Sex

  • Sex, yes this is the ruling about sex in my new cult.
  • Sex is a good thing that should be done as often as possible.
  • There are many health benefits from sex.
  • As long as all parties are of legal age, whatever you want to do is fine, providing ALL parties are consenting.
  • No public sex, just because you want to do it doesn’t mean we want to see it.
  • No sexual or romantic relationships with (or by) any member under the legal age.
  • Gay, lesbian, multiple partners, swapping, group, it’s all good (for consenting adults).
  • Practice safe sex.

Rule 5 – Beliefs

  • Your beliefs are yours, do not try to force them onto other members.
  • If another member asks about your beliefs, you may tell them, but don’t get ‘preachy’ or ask them to join you in your belief system.
  • Do not disparage other members about their beliefs, no bullying, name calling or any other negative commenting.
  • Your personal beliefs may not be harmful, mean spirited, illegal, racist, homophobic or anything that causes general distress to humanity.
  • Your beliefs must be true to you, no flying spaghetti monsters or parody religions views.

The Church of Truth

Fear, lies, mythology; that is what most churches peddle. Fact, science, truth; that is what my church will promote. If you want to hear the actual truth about this world instead of fairy tales, you have come to the right place.

Now I just need some like-minded people to be with. So come help me start a new cult, church, religion and we can sit by a bonfire, make smores, smoke the devil’s lettuce, sing songs, have lots of sex & just be happy.

This world has made us angry enough already.


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FYI: I am a devout Atheist.

Swear to God.

Other things of interest might include signs of a cult, new cult on TikTok, new cult awareness network, what is a cult, cult examples, my new cult, are churches just cults in disguise?